'Love is like a flower, as soon as you try to possess it, it starts dying! This is how ugly attachment is'
I see loving relationships like partnerships where both partners find their interest, where both partners feel in tune with the union.
The only way for this to happen is to make sure that the love doesn’t turn into attachment. Love turns into attachment when your actions are driven by the fear of losing your partner. There is then a conflict of interest because those actions only serve yourself and not necessarily your partner. You cannot then call this love but attachment.
For example, jealousy is a form of attachment. It is not a form of love , it is simply insecurity. You are scared of losing your partner and so put pressure on them rather than face your insecurities. You see your partner as being YOURS and you start to put him/her in an emotional prison and sometimes, in the worst cases, a physical prison.
If you love your partner, you will push him/her to make the right decision for himself/herself despite your desire to have him/her around you.
If your actions are driven by attachment, you will pressure him/her to stay for the sake of your desires only, in that case, instead of allowing your partner to grow, you attach him/her.
Loving someone is allowing them to be the best they can be and to help them grow regardless of what you want. What you want is not necessarily what they need, so forcing someone to be or do something they are not in tune with is pure selfishness.
So make sure that every time you ask or demand something from your partner ask yourself whether it is for their best interest too.
When I speak about detachment to people in relationships, they are often concerned that detachment is not compatible with relationships. In a sense they are right to think it is not compatible, but it doesn’t matter because to me couples shouldn’t work on their relationship, they should work on loving. If you work on loving then a relationship naturally arises from it, whereas if you work only on the relationship, love doesn’t have to be there, discipline is enough. A relationship can survive on discipline alone. But a loving relationship can only exist if love is truly present.
When people think of relationships they think about longevity. In order to secure this longevity they set some kind of agreement which they call ‘relationship’. I see many people in relationship trying to make them work by complying to all of the rules related to a standard relationship, but it doesn’t work because the relationship is based on commitment and not on love.
However, when a couple concentrates on the love, they naturally create a relationship, there is no guarantee that it will last but the strength of the love nurtured on the daily basis often indicates whether the relationship will last or not. Loving relationships are not based on a commitment, they are based on the natural flow of love. Love creates much stronger bonds than rigid relationships would because it is based on the present. It assesses the need of the other on a daily basis, it is spontaneous. Although longevity is often the result of such union, the aim is not longevity, the aim is love and integrity. Love itself becomes a commitment.
Always remember, love is like a flower, as soon as you pick it up and try to possess it, it starts dying, it is how ugly attachment is.
(Thank you for reading. Please share this article on facebook and other social networks it would help us tremendously!)
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The only way for this to happen is to make sure that the love doesn’t turn into attachment. Love turns into attachment when your actions are driven by the fear of losing your partner. There is then a conflict of interest because those actions only serve yourself and not necessarily your partner. You cannot then call this love but attachment.
For example, jealousy is a form of attachment. It is not a form of love , it is simply insecurity. You are scared of losing your partner and so put pressure on them rather than face your insecurities. You see your partner as being YOURS and you start to put him/her in an emotional prison and sometimes, in the worst cases, a physical prison.
If you love your partner, you will push him/her to make the right decision for himself/herself despite your desire to have him/her around you.
If your actions are driven by attachment, you will pressure him/her to stay for the sake of your desires only, in that case, instead of allowing your partner to grow, you attach him/her.
Loving someone is allowing them to be the best they can be and to help them grow regardless of what you want. What you want is not necessarily what they need, so forcing someone to be or do something they are not in tune with is pure selfishness.
So make sure that every time you ask or demand something from your partner ask yourself whether it is for their best interest too.
When I speak about detachment to people in relationships, they are often concerned that detachment is not compatible with relationships. In a sense they are right to think it is not compatible, but it doesn’t matter because to me couples shouldn’t work on their relationship, they should work on loving. If you work on loving then a relationship naturally arises from it, whereas if you work only on the relationship, love doesn’t have to be there, discipline is enough. A relationship can survive on discipline alone. But a loving relationship can only exist if love is truly present.
When people think of relationships they think about longevity. In order to secure this longevity they set some kind of agreement which they call ‘relationship’. I see many people in relationship trying to make them work by complying to all of the rules related to a standard relationship, but it doesn’t work because the relationship is based on commitment and not on love.
However, when a couple concentrates on the love, they naturally create a relationship, there is no guarantee that it will last but the strength of the love nurtured on the daily basis often indicates whether the relationship will last or not. Loving relationships are not based on a commitment, they are based on the natural flow of love. Love creates much stronger bonds than rigid relationships would because it is based on the present. It assesses the need of the other on a daily basis, it is spontaneous. Although longevity is often the result of such union, the aim is not longevity, the aim is love and integrity. Love itself becomes a commitment.
Always remember, love is like a flower, as soon as you pick it up and try to possess it, it starts dying, it is how ugly attachment is.
(Thank you for reading. Please share this article on facebook and other social networks it would help us tremendously!)
To chat about this post on the forum: Click here
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ATTACHMENT: Love vs. Relationship
by Patrice Turlet
by Patrice Turlet
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Registered number: 07561006
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